Never In Control
by McSpockSpones
Summary: McCoy is distraught over the death of a patient, he vents to Spock, which leads to the pair admitting some hidden feelings. I suck at summaries


Doctor McCoy had lost patients before, but this loss weight heavy on him.

He was hunched over his desk in sickbay, head in his hands, shaking with silent sobs. The Captain had beamed down to a planet and left Spock in command of the Enterprise, and McCoy knew better then to go looking for sympathy from him.  
"Heartless." He whispered into his hands.  
"On the contrary doctor."  
McCoy jumped, trying quickly to wipe away his tears.  
"Jesus Spock! Those pointy ears pick up everything dont they!?"  
Spock ignored the doctors comment and continued "I do indeed have a heart. Its in place of where the human liver is located."  
"What good is a heart in an emotionless goblin like you!?" McCoy stated angrly, standing up and straightening his uniform.  
Just then nurse Chapel entered sickbay, her eyes stopping longer then needed on Mr. Spock.  
"Yes nurse?" McCoy asked, annoyed.  
"Oh! Yes. I came to collect the..." She paused, knowing the doctors emotional state, she gestured at the covered body on a nearby bed.  
Bones nodded, rubbing his eyes with a hand.  
As Chapel wheeled the body past Spock, he relized who it was, it was the little girl who they had recently beamed abored from a dying planetoid.

Spock raised an eyebrow as Chapel exited. "Unfortunate."  
"As always Mr. Spock, you have a gift for understatement! She was six for heavens sake!" McCoy said angrly.  
Spock nodded "Yes, and it is as i said. Unfortunate."  
McCoy rolled his eyes. He knew better then to argue with Spock, even if his logic was flawed.  
"Im affraid i must collect your log doctor. Cause of death" Spock asked.  
McCoy shook his head. "An unknown parisite in the blood stream." He paused. "There was nothing i could do.."

Spock hesitated, then walked forward and place a hand on the doctors shoulder.  
"I am sorry." Spock said flatly.  
"You? Sorry? When pigs fly.."  
"You forget doctor. I am after all, half human."  
McCoy was relieved to hear him admit it. Maybe he would also understand the emotions now overcoming the doctor like a great wave. McCoy collapsed to the floor of sickbay with uncontrolable sobs..  
Spock hesitated again, but knelt down beside Bones anyway, and wrapped a consoling arm tightly around his shoulders.  
"Jesus. Im sorry Spock." McCoy's voice shook as he tried unsuccessfully to compose himself. "Go ahead. Say it." He braced himself, he knew what was coming. "Im behaving illogicaly."  
Spock shook his head slightly. "I will not." he reached out and gently wiped a tear from McCoys streaked face. "I suppose there is a time for everything. Even logic."  
McCoy managed a smile, and rested his head against Spocks chest.  
"I can't believe i couldn't do anything." his words were full of emotion.

Spock looked down at the trembling body in his lap. Compation was somthing he had never shown anyone. It was as alien to him as happiness or love. All three of which he was now feeling as he shyly pulled McCoy closer.  
"No one blames you. You cannot possibly save everyone." Spock comforted.  
McCoy sniffed and looked up, teary eyed, at Spock. McCoy had always had a special attraction towards the Vulcan, but since Spock had never returned the curriosity, he had always tried to keep his feelings under wraps. But right now, in the moment, nesteled in Spocks warm, strong, consoling arms, he couldn't keep his feelings hidden much longer.  
Spock returned the gaze, and looked deep into McCoy's blue-gray eyes. He had always found a great fasination in them, and he was suddenly overcome by a wave of emotions, and a wide smile crossed his face, as he flushed green.  
McCoy smiled fondly up at the Vulcan, almost unaware of how silly they must look. He reached up and placed a hand on Spocks cheek.  
"Doctor.." Spock murmured, turning his face away, smile disapearing instantly.  
"W-what is it..." McCoy asked, retracting his hand.  
"I... I am in control of my emotions." Spock said, stone faced again.  
McCoy sighed and looked at the floor, tears welling in his eyes once more. "T-th..thats what i was affraid of." he push Spock away and picked himself off of the floor.  
"Bones!" Spock begged, stareing up at the doctor from the floor.  
"What do you want me to do Spock!?" he shook his head "I wont have you play with my emotions like that again..." he turned quickly and left, with one last looked at the vulcan sitting alone on the floor, as the doors to sick bay closed.  
A tear fell to the floor beside Spock. He hadn't been, now or ever, in control of his emotions.


End file.
